trying this again...

I'm back.
I'm bigger than ever and I'm ready to try to change.
The hardest part about all of this is how EASY it is to gain weight...and how hard it is to lose it.

I'm going to keep trying though. If at first you don't succeed...

Exercise week 2

I really really liked the first week exercise that I did, so if you all still need recommendations that one is at the top of the list. A short list. :)
This week I chose something similar. It has a lot of different exercises targeted at different body parts, and I think it will be really great, and a bit of a step up.

This is again from http://backonpointe.tumblr.com/tagged/workout+challenge/page/10 Back on Pointe, one of the best sites I have seen for exercise routines that don't require a home gym.

I have no idea what a bridge is, but I am learning all kinds of new things with this.
Am I the only person that HATES SQUATS? I don't care how fit I am, I hate them. Hate hate hate them. But, I sure do like what they can do for your body, so I guess I am stuck with them.

Me...behind? Noooo way.

Don't be surprised by this folks. I am..how do you say...a procrastinator. And even though I am unemployed I feel this week has been really busy. Cross your fingers for me on an interview I had on Wednesday...I am really hoping to get that job!


So, we are going to start again. That is something about weight loss that I'm sure other people experience. I did really good for five days, then I didn't do good for two days----and that 8th day is where a downhill spiral can begin. Because in my mind, if I do bad for two days, I may as well eat what I want on day three. And if day 3 is bad, I may as well wait until the next Monday to start over. And if for some reason I have plans on Tuesday, then I might as well wait until the following Monday to do anything because I want to "start fresh" or "eat clean" (I think I will probably have a blog just about this. I have about a million rants about "eating clean" and "paleo".). I also have a terrible habit of punishing myself for eating poorly by (this is going to sound pretty messed up) eating even more poorly, and binging. Then, I feel disgusting and worthless, and that for some reason is a good way to teach myself not to do it. <-----this sentence is clearly not a healthy way to do anything, nor do I really believe in punishment for something as dumb as this, but that is how my brain works.
When I am not binging or hungry, I think normally. In the moment...its like I have gone completely insane. None of the habits I have related to food are rational.  I feel like this:

Now in terms of eating, I haven't really done that bad. I didn't get near the recipes made that I wanted to, but that is why I am writing this. To let all of you know that I am terrible at deadlines. lol.
I am going to pick a new exercise and post it, and I think I am going to make a recipe post with all 4 recipes I want to make for the week. Change is good, right?

So until next post, phantom readers. :)

Exercise panic

Yesterday, my legs felt like they were on fire. Have you ever woke up in the morning after a really good workout, you go to the bathroom to do the first thing everyone does when they wake up, and you sit down and feel like your legs are going to explode?

That was me yesterday. I knew that it wasn't a bad pain (injury), but I was TERRIFIED to do the squats that my workout required. I kept putting it off and putting it off, and finally around 8:30 I decided it was now or never.
The first set of squats were interesting to say the least...but by the time I got done with my workout I felt
900 times better. Then, I was mad at myself for waiting that long- if I would have done it at noon, I would have not looked like a 400 year old person walking around all day.
Lesson learned!!
And a quote from one of my favorite movies of all time, ever :)

Recipe 2

Well, this might be cheating,  but this is going to be my recipe for tomorrow:

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=20662

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Ingredients

1 1/2 lb of boneless skinless chicken breast cut into large pieces
2 cans corn, drained
1 can black beans rinsed and drained
16oz salsa

 

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Directions

Add corn, black beans, and 4 oz of salsa to slow cooker. add chicken and pur remaining salsa on top. Cooks for 3-4 hours on high or 6 hours on low.

Number of Servings: 5

I am trying to use things I already have. I bought chicken on sale at Fareway (1.99 a pound!!!) and I have this amazing salsa and corn already. I am really excited for this!! And, I haven't used a crock pot in years. I am going to 1/2 the recipe--I don't really need 5 servings of anything. 

F You Sugar!!!!

I might struggle with the word addiction in terms of food in general, but when it comes to sugar...sign me up for anonymous meetings.

I feel absolutely powerless. I can stuff myself full of food, to the point where I think I am going to die when I get up, but even after that I STILL WANT SUGAR. I want cake. Cookies. Ice Cream. Muffins. Candy bars. I am like the cookie monster, but I want to make sure it has lots of sugar and carbs, so I am not nearly as picky as him.

Today the feeling hit me when I was in Wal-Mart. Cue the danger zone music, because I was on the highway to binging. Instead of getting the cookies that I wanted, and the bread, and the cakes, and the ice creams, and the bagels and cream cheese, I got sugar free hard candy. Not the best solution, but to me, better than going on a binge.

Going to do my exercise in a little bit, my thighs are ON FIRE right now though, so this should be interesting. Wish me luck!

Weird coincidences

Last night I decided to do a dry run on the exercise I picked out for this week to see if I could do it.
I also had to look up a few exercises and realized I'm pretty comfortable with the sets. What I wasn't prepared for was the soreness. I know that I didn't hydrate properly, so I'm working on that as we.
Today I made it through the exercises and I'm proud I did it.  That's the thing about exercising that I don't understand how I let myself quit. Even being sore it feels SO GOOD!!!! There is no better rush than a good workout.

As for the weird coincidences, there were two. First, the first blog I stumbled upon today was a lady who just posted last night about her true experiences with binging.
I read it and I was just in shock. Its good and scary to know that there are other people out there that binge and binge and feel just as powerless as I do. That lady now runs marathons, so there is a lot of hope. Her blog is here:
Www.runsforcookies.com
Interestingly enough, her name is Katie.

Second coincidence was just timing but I thought it was pertinent. I saw true life was on MTV (yes, I know, but I can't help it) and the focus of the episode was food addiction and the health consequences. I struggle with the word addiction because I think that when you attach a stigma like that people have a hard time relating and  understanding how truly awful it canBe. I also think that people don't take food addiction seriously because when compared to drug or alcohol addiction it seems minor.
I get that a little. I just know that if I felt more in control I don't think I would weigh what I do. I'm sure there will be plenty more on this throughout this journey :)

Finally, I'm using an app called ziplist from the play store for recipe shopping. It is pretty great so far, it even separates the ingredients into categories for easier shopping. Check it out!